tears burst

"I’m feeling soft and heavy at the same time. Like I’ve put down my arms and I’m staring at the sky with my whole heart open- it’s pouring everywhere and for once, I don’t even care. I don’t care who knows, I don’t care who sees. I want to shout about my heartaches and I want to scream about my survival until it hurts even to whisper. But I’m crying too. I’m always crying too. Because it still feels like my heart is anchored to the ground. Because I’m alone. Because my chest aches so much, I wonder how I have not split in two. I didn’t think survival would feel so much like losing. I just want to unlive. Let me unlive."